Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
