hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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