nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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