Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
