dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
