It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
