she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
