it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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