you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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