This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
