A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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