i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
