I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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