the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
