He is an equal opportunity slut.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
