Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize