And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
