did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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