IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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