Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize