he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
