I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
