4 words: hood of his car
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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