me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
