i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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