i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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