i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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