i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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