There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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