I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
