he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
