im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
