**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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