I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
