If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
