What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you will always have a special place in my vag
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
