Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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