I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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