ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
