Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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