I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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