Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
