my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
