Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize