I smell stomach acid.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
