Got a toothbrush?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
