my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have demons in me.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
