Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize