and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
