u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize