you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
