I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
