we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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