"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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