And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize