She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
