i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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