you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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