went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
