I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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