im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
