does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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