Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my phone needs a breathalizer
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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