I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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