I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
