so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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