I can't watch pbs sober anymore
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
