In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
