Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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