we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
