dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
