His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
